Sometimes when I try to explain my dream to my family and friends, I get blank stares. My enthusiasm does not find an eager audience. Most of the times, I try and avoid this situation by just keeping quiet about my dreams, but there are times when I can’t contain my excitement. I do understand that everyone operates from their belief system, just as I do. But how come the belief systems are different in the very same family in which we grow up? What exactly determines our belief systems? Is it the cumulative experience and influence of one lifetime or infinite life times?

Since I am a past life regression therapist, I know that our past lives do affect our present belief systems, but for most people this fact is difficult to digest. Most of us believe that our beliefs come primarily from our childhood conditioning. If we are told as children that telepathy does not exist, we will grow up believing it to be our truth. However, it is only a belief and not a fact. Most of what we believe is not based on facts in any case. Now suppose that as a grown-up you come across someone who can demonstrate to you that telepathy does exist. What will you do now? Will you accept this new truth?

Generally even when a fact is offered with proof, skeptic minds would try and block it. They try and skip to another reality zone, just to avoid changing their beliefs. It is a sort of automatic defense mechanism of the ego. Sometimes, when you are trying your best to explain something new to someone, they get a glazed look in their eyes. Their attention drifts off. They stop paying attention to you. This is their mind’s way of blocking out information that does not tally with its belief system. Only an open mind can absorb new information and evaluate it on its own terms.

So, now I have decided to share my dreams only with those people who believe in me. I am not here to change anyone’s belief systems, I am here to have faith in my belief system and evaluate it from time to time. I am here to discard beliefs that do not work for me any more and form experiential beliefs that always work. I do not believe that successful people are just lucky. I know that one becomes successful by believing in one’s dreams.

My motivation comes from setting big goals. Big goals to me mean goals that seem fantastic, out of reach, slightly scary, and not commiserating with the current appearances of reality. Say, for example, I had set a goal of becoming a life skills coach, when I was just a homemaker. It took me two years and various small steps of being a communication skills teacher, verbal ability instructor for management entrance exams, a columnist, a healer, and finally a life skills coach. Wow! It seems like a dream run. Throughout this period I stayed motivated by writing my goal in great detail, letting go of it in care of the universe, and taking small inspired actions when needed.

Such miracles happen in my life all the time. Invariably I am led to the right people, right opportunities and right know-how to achieve my goals. After one goal is achieved, I set another big goal. Right now my big goal is to be conducting my empowering workshops throughout the world. It does seem impossible to some, but to me it is my reality, whether I can see it in my present environment or not.

I stay motivated by my complete faith in the universe and its infallible laws. My motivation also comes from imagining a bigger, brighter, and more colourful life than I currently lead. I put my emotions into this picture and live it in my mind. Eventually I am led to take decisive action. This action is always inspired, and I do it to the best of my ability with gay abundance.

I have written my new life story keeping all areas of my life, viz, career, money, health, friends, family, personal development, recreation, and personal environment in right perspective. I run this story through my mind at least twice a day. Each run builds up a new momentum, and I feel excited about taking actions to reach my goals. I know people who live the kind of life that I live, and I also know people whose lives are full of boredom, discontent, and mediocrity. I feel grateful to the universe because my eyes and mind are open. I have discovered my potential. I have chosen my life of purpose and passion. I feel ecstatic. Life sure is beautiful!

Source: Article by Chitra Jha, on Tickled by Life.

Myths have a way of perpetuating themselves. There are quite a few related to training and learning too. Everyone seems to believe in them. So much so that they have become sacrosanct and no one even bothers to question them.  When Shalu Wasu heard some for the first time, it was in the context of a training program that he was going through. His first reaction was: ‘Wow! That sounds incredible.’ In the enthusiasm of the collective wows that were generated, he, like all of us,  accepted the myths as truth.

He soon realized he was not comfortable believing in them. Intuitively, Shalu Wasu knew they could not be true.  Now all these myths seemed to be backed up by solid research though and he wondered if he was being his usual arrogant self by questioning these supposed universal ‘truths’.  But he  started his probe anyway and what he found really warmed my heart! These were myths for sure, very similar to urban legends that get popularized without any sound basis. Below are three of the most common.

MYTH ONE: You remember 10% of what you read, 20% of what you hear, 30% of what you see and 90% of what you do.

This is a widely repeated statement by trainers all over the world. Maybe you’ve been subjected to this statement at some time as well. I hope you have not made it though.  The round figures are easily remembered but completely wrong.  The findings can be traced to one D.G. Treichler, an employee of Mobil Oil Company, who put forth these figures in 1967.  However, the NTL Institute for Applied Behavioral Science has laid claim to the figures, saying they are based on research in the early sixties and bizarrely adding that ‘we no longer have – nor can we find – the original research that supports the numbers’.  Though, there are many arguments against these figures, one that is most obvious is that all the percentages are perfectly round. What research into human behaviour ever resulted in four different round numbers?

MYTH TWO: In communication, only 7% of the meaning is conveyed through the speaker’s words, 55% through his facial expressions and the rest 38% through tone of voice.

I am sure you have come across this lulu too, especially if you have attended communication or NLP programs. In one sweeping statement, words are reduced to an insignificant role in the great game of communication.  Yet, when we think about this deeply, the fallacies start becoming obvious. Is it really possible that if I get lost in Shanghai and ask a passer-by for directions, I’ll have to work out the correct route mostly from their facial expressions and tone of voice, and not from the words they use?  The findings are attributed to research done by Mehrabian but, in reality, they are just a distorted version of what Mehrabian himself has to say on his website. He expresses the results of his research in the form of an equation: Total liking = 7% verbal liking + 38% vocal liking + 55% facial liking.  He explains that “this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e. like-dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.”

MYTH THREE: We use 10% of our brain (or anywhere from 1% to 15% depending upon where you have read it).

This one is so popular, even Albert Einstein is usually roped in as one of the endorsers! The media too has played a role in orchestrating this myth. Many of us therefore look at it as given.  Scientists have tried for years to change this misconception. They have clearly stated that there is no scientific evidence to suggest that we use only 10% of our brains. In fact it is very hard to say what using just 10% of your brain means.  It could mean that I could cut 90% of my brain and be just fine or that I just use only one out of every ten nerve cells at any one time. Let’s attack this one with common sense.

First of all, it is obvious that the brain, like all other organs, has been shaped by natural selection. Brain tissue is metabolically expensive both to grow and to run.  It strains credulity to think that evolution would have permitted squandering of resources on a scale necessary to build and maintain such a massively underutilized organ.  Secondly, losing far less than 90 percent of the brain to accident or disease has catastrophic consequences. Various medical tests reveal that there does not seem to be any area of the brain that can be destroyed without leaving the patient with some kind of functional deficit.  Likewise, electrical stimulation of points in the brain during neurosurgery has failed so far to uncover any dormant areas where no percept, emotion or movement is elicited by applying these tiny currents.

Having dug hard and deep, I find no evidence at all to support this myth.  The most powerful lure of the myth is probably the idea that we might develop psychic abilities, or at least gain a leg up on the competition by improving our memory or concentration.  All this is available for the asking, the ads say, if we just tapped into our most incredible of organs, the brain. It is past time to put this myth to rest, although if it has survived at least a century so far, it will surely live on into the new millennium.  The next time you are subjected to this one, just ask the speaker politely “Oh? What part don’t you use?”

Source: Tickled by Life article by Shalu Wasu

Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say.” Of course, it implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course, the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use of psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “If there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it.” Rather, his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation.

The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this calibre would he be your servant?

I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me, especially the way we counter an argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find with each other. But today people from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is “scolding and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behaviour. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behaviour then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for.

We follow this approach even in the upbringing of our children. I have again never been able to understand this attitude. My daughter is 16 months old and is now everywhere and into everything. I think it is her natural curiosity and she should be allowed to explore. But everyone who sees me with her complains that I am not scolding her enough and that if she is not made to understand the correct ways, she will become uncontrollable and end up totally spoilt. My point of view is that she is too young to understand and that this can come later when I am in a position to explain to her the pros and cons of each action. Right now it is all play for her. More often than not she is aping me. How can I scold her when she has done no real wrong and surely no deliberate mischief? And why, even if I have something to say, why should I scold her? It will only kill her curiosity and stunt her persona. I use the method of distraction when things are getting out of hand and employ her attention elsewhere.

When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time until disaster strikes and for a while we see our faults and reflect. We are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “greats & gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world!

The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness.

Source: This is taken from an article by Pradeep Maheshwari, called “Meaningful communication comes from kindness and creativity!” found on Tickled by Life.

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